Quotables
““So in America you guys don’t say take a chill pill?””
“Dude, Men’s Journal is actually kinda dope though”
“I was watching Ted Danson highlights, you know the guy from Becker?”
“I hate having washed hair, I feel like a duckling”
“Having dogs is weird”
“Figgy is a bit of a guilty pleasure for me”
“You have to jeopardize the integrity of it”
“(as 99 Red Ballons comes on) “I accidentally broke a girls nose to this song.””
“You play poker like you skate, kind of aggressive and a little out of control.”
“I told you I went to jail once in a Rasputin shirt, right?”
“How do crust punks know that their dogs are fans of the Dead Kennedy’s? Or that they like to wear vests?”
“I want to own a pair of Birkenstocks”
“Ketchup is, like, going out of style”
“Paul Rudd bought me a shrimp burrito”
“If I think about it, heelies are probably what got me into skating.”
“Surfing is a BILLION dollar industry”
“Do people still play that Poke Mon shit?”
“Do you follow Tyrone Olson?”
“Yo, I got a sick new cat massage video for you”
“I wish I had cankles”
“I like reggae music because It’s the easiest music for me to dance to.”
“I’ve only been reading Hemingway these past two months”
“I think that bum over there is Gonz”
“Why do they call it the secret service if it’s not a secret any more?”
“Oasis is for men.”
“I love taking photos of people cleaning up their dog’s shit”
“Some of the things kids are doing these days is actually outrageous....I just wish they would keep their shirts on”
“You piss out of your fly? That’s old school”
“Deep down, I’m secretly a hippie.”
“Static IV was my Boys in The Hood”
“So, I was watching a seal clubbing video...”
“I’d rather skate black wheels than yellow wheels.”
“Me and Jimmy Buffet have the same dentist”
“So, a few days ago I was brewing beer in my back yard...”
“Funny thing about Napoleon complex is that Napoleon wasn’t actually that short”
“He tried to cool-guy our brunch”
“Enough of this fucking Tom-Foolery”
“I don’t really buy that Jared dude lost all that weight just eating Subway”
“Before you brush your teeth, can I wash my socks in the sink?”
“I’d rather skate black wheels than yellow wheels”
“I love browsing through the CVS electronics section, man!”
“Guys, what do you think Obama’s doing right now”
“I have to be a scientist right now. My fish are dropping dead so I have to do some chemistry”
“Herbalife is dope!”
“Trump’s wife is hot... Ted’s not so much”
“Were unemployed working men”
“I just saw a NYC counter terrorism cop vaping”
“I’m well versed in Grease.”
“I’m trying to fake-skate too”
“She’s really cute I just wish she didn’t skate”
“I almost made the worst decision and brought my kids to Bonaroo last year”
“I heard Old Navy has good stuff now. Like stuff that fits!”
“You asked me if I COULD dance. I said ‘no’. You didn’t ask me if I WOULD dance.”
“There really should be more sporks out there in the world.”
“I wanna go roller-skating so bad.”
“Dinosaurs are like the coolest things of all time”
“I’m thinking about getting into video games”
“I read the reviews on Yelp and apparently their tater-tots are amazing.”
“How come Drake only puts out hits?”
“I feel like he’s a tailslide 270er”
“I grew up listening to Indigo Girls.”
“My grandmother knits way better than you.”
“Nobody in New York City is a virgin…..cuz we’re all getting fucked.”
“He’s the illest dude ever….I watched him throw a bike at his ex girlfriend once”
“Do you think cause Dustin’s on the bus he makes the bus slower?”
“I can’t really judge a restaurant until I’ve taken a shit”
“I used to drink a 40 of King Cobra, get halfway and then pour a sparks into it. We called it a ‘Hyper-Vyper’”
“I fell like when people find out I have a bachelor’s degree they don’t believe me.”
“I wanna girlfriend because I get lonely really easily”
“You ever hear the story about Rob Campbell ollieing a dead guy?”
“People say they don’t like it when the girl just lays there. But I do cuz I can do whatever I want.”
“Dolphins are like the most knowin-whats-goin-on animal”
“The cellar door is like the state bird of New York.”
“I feel like archaeology is a dying profession.”
“I did some creepy shit last night”
“Did I ever tell you I had a dream that I fakie tre-flipped a bar-hop without any shoes on?”
“Sometimes I wonder who I’m going to marry”
“People only care about you if you’re dead, have money or have gum”
“I stayed over at her house. But she woke up early to go vote”
“I wish you could eat your own hair”
“Today is the day Rasputin was murdered in 1916…......AND it’s a full moon!”
“Just had apple pie n’ coffee at a diner…..I feel like Deniro in Taxi Driver”
“My new goal in life is to have a nervous breakdown at Street League”
“I think I lost my anti-aging cream.”
“All my leg muscles went away because I haven’t skated in so long”
“I’m the last of the baggy pants”
“Gardening is my only outlet right now”
“I’ve seen that dude fall asleep at the top of a willow tree before”
“I wanna do a Kickstarter campaign to get a new apartment”
“In the suburbs the TV is your city…..here we make things for TV”
“I got two pillows from Family Dollar yesterday…....don’t ever do that.”
“I think it’s between Gonz and Jimmy Lannon who will figure out how to levitate first”
“I love when no-one calls me, it’s the best feeling ever”
“Hooters actually has really good burgers.”