Me and Jimmy Buffet have the same dentist
— John Baragwanath
I love browsing through the CVS electronics section, man!
— Marshall Nicholson
Before you brush your teeth, can I wash my socks in the sink?
— Steve Brandi
Guys, what do you think Obama’s doing right now
— John Baragwanath
I have to be a scientist right now. My fish are dropping dead so I have to do some chemistry
— Jahmal Williams
Herbalife is dope!
— John Baragwanath
Trump’s wife is hot... Ted’s not so much
— Pontus Alv
Were unemployed working men
— Jimmy Lannon
 
I just saw a NYC counter terrorism cop vaping
— Joe Bressler
Static IV was my Boys in The Hood
— Brendan Carroll
I’m trying to fake-skate too
— Jimmy Lannon
She’s really cute I just wish she didn’t skate
— Brendan Carroll
 
I almost made the worst decision and brought my kids to Bonaroo last year
— Ricky Oyola
I heard Old Navy has good stuff now. Like stuff that fits!
— Pat Stiener
You asked me if I COULD dance. I said ‘no’. You didn’t ask me if I WOULD dance.
— Ricky Oyola
There really should be more sporks out there in the world.
— Pat Stiener
 
I wanna go roller-skating so bad.
— Ketih Denley
Dinosaurs are like the coolest things of all time
— Patrick Stiener
I’m thinking about getting into video games
— Brian Clarke
I read the reviews on Yelp and apparently their tater-tots are amazing.
— Pat Stiener
 
How come Drake only puts out hits?
— Brendan Carroll
I feel like he’s a tailslide 270er
— Brian Clarke
I grew up listening to Indigo Girls.
— Kevin Coakley
My grandmother knits way better than you.
— Pat Stiener
 
Nobody in New York City is a virgin…..cuz we’re all getting fucked.
— Quim Cardona
He’s the illest dude ever….I watched him throw a bike at his ex girlfriend once
— Brian Clarke
Do you think cause Dustin’s on the bus he makes the bus slower?
— Joe Bressler about Dustin Eggeling
I can’t really judge a restaurant until I’ve taken a shit
— Jake Johnson
 
I used to drink a 40 of King Cobra, get halfway and then pour a sparks into it. We called it a ‘Hyper-Vyper’
— Joe Bressler
I fell like when people find out I have a bachelor’s degree they don’t believe me.
— Brian Clarke
I wanna girlfriend because I get lonely really easily
— Brian Clarke
You ever hear the story about Rob Campbell ollieing a dead guy?
— Joe Bressler
 
 
People say they don’t like it when the girl just lays there. But I do cuz I can do whatever I want.
— Brian Clarke
Dolphins are like the most knowin-whats-goin-on animal
— Kevin Tierney
The cellar door is like the state bird of New York.
— Dustin Eggeling
I feel like archaeology is a dying profession.
— Brian Clarke
 
I did some creepy shit last night
— Kevin Tierney
Did I ever tell you I had a dream that I fakie tre-flipped a bar-hop without any shoes on?
— Brendan Carroll
Sometimes I wonder who I’m going to marry
— Brian Clarke
People only care about you if you’re dead, have money or have gum
— Peter Sidlaukas
 
I stayed over at her house. But she woke up early to go vote
— Pat Stiener
I wish you could eat your own hair
— Jake Johnson
Today is the day Rasputin was murdered in 1916…......AND it’s a full moon!
— Joe Dorsi
Just had apple pie n’ coffee at a diner…..I feel like Deniro in Taxi Driver
— Quim Cardona
 
My new goal in life is to have a nervous breakdown at Street League
— Billy Rohan
I think I lost my anti-aging cream.
— Jack Moran
All my leg muscles went away because I haven’t skated in so long
— Kevin Tierney
I’m the last of the baggy pants
— Quim Cardona
 
Gardening is my only outlet right now
— Danny Montoya
I’ve seen that dude fall asleep at the top of a willow tree before
— Brian Clarke on Luke Mulaney
I wanna do a Kickstarter campaign to get a new apartment
— Billy Rohan
In the suburbs the TV is your city…..here we make things for TV
— Billy Rohan
 
I got two pillows from Family Dollar yesterday…....don’t ever do that.
— Brendan Carroll
I think it’s between Gonz and Jimmy Lannon who will figure out how to levitate first
— Billy Rohan
I love when no-one calls me, it’s the best feeling ever
— Quim Cardona
Hooters actually has really good burgers.
— Pat Stiener