Why do they call it the secret service if it’s not a secret any more?
Deep down, I’m secretly a hippie.
Do people still play that Poke Mon shit?
I’d rather skate black wheels than yellow wheels.
You piss out of your fly? That’s old school
Static IV was my Boys in The Hood
So, I was watching a seal clubbing video...
Me and Jimmy Buffet have the same dentist
So, a few days ago I was brewing beer in my back yard...
Funny thing about Napoleon complex is that Napoleon wasn’t actually that short
He tried to cool-guy our brunch
Enough of this fucking Tom-Foolery
I don’t really buy that Jared dude lost all that weight just eating Subway
Before you brush your teeth, can I wash my socks in the sink?
I’d rather skate black wheels than yellow wheels
I love browsing through the CVS electronics section, man!
Guys, what do you think Obama’s doing right now
I have to be a scientist right now. My fish are dropping dead so I have to do some chemistry
Herbalife is dope!
Trump’s wife is hot... Ted’s not so much
Were unemployed working men
I just saw a NYC counter terrorism cop vaping
I’m well versed in Grease.
I’m trying to fake-skate too
She’s really cute I just wish she didn’t skate
I almost made the worst decision and brought my kids to Bonaroo last year
I heard Old Navy has good stuff now. Like stuff that fits!
You asked me if I COULD dance. I said ‘no’. You didn’t ask me if I WOULD dance.
There really should be more sporks out there in the world.
I wanna go roller-skating so bad.
Dinosaurs are like the coolest things of all time
I’m thinking about getting into video games
I read the reviews on Yelp and apparently their tater-tots are amazing.
How come Drake only puts out hits?
I feel like he’s a tailslide 270er
I grew up listening to Indigo Girls.
My grandmother knits way better than you.
Nobody in New York City is a virgin…..cuz we’re all getting fucked.
He’s the illest dude ever….I watched him throw a bike at his ex girlfriend once
Do you think cause Dustin’s on the bus he makes the bus slower?
I can’t really judge a restaurant until I’ve taken a shit
I used to drink a 40 of King Cobra, get halfway and then pour a sparks into it. We called it a ‘Hyper-Vyper’
I fell like when people find out I have a bachelor’s degree they don’t believe me.
I wanna girlfriend because I get lonely really easily
You ever hear the story about Rob Campbell ollieing a dead guy?
People say they don’t like it when the girl just lays there. But I do cuz I can do whatever I want.
Dolphins are like the most knowin-whats-goin-on animal
The cellar door is like the state bird of New York.
I feel like archaeology is a dying profession.
I did some creepy shit last night
Did I ever tell you I had a dream that I fakie tre-flipped a bar-hop without any shoes on?
Sometimes I wonder who I’m going to marry
People only care about you if you’re dead, have money or have gum
I stayed over at her house. But she woke up early to go vote
I wish you could eat your own hair
Today is the day Rasputin was murdered in 1916…......AND it’s a full moon!
Just had apple pie n’ coffee at a diner…..I feel like Deniro in Taxi Driver
My new goal in life is to have a nervous breakdown at Street League
I think I lost my anti-aging cream.
All my leg muscles went away because I haven’t skated in so long
I’m the last of the baggy pants
Gardening is my only outlet right now
I’ve seen that dude fall asleep at the top of a willow tree before
I wanna do a Kickstarter campaign to get a new apartment
In the suburbs the TV is your city…..here we make things for TV
I got two pillows from Family Dollar yesterday…....don’t ever do that.
I think it’s between Gonz and Jimmy Lannon who will figure out how to levitate first
I love when no-one calls me, it’s the best feeling ever
Hooters actually has really good burgers.