Theories of Atlantis

London is KILLING me! This is possibly the best city in the world but it wasn’t meant to be seen on foot with a 70lb camera bag on your shoulders. It feels like I’ve been giving double-decker buses piggyback rides all week long. Anyways, here’s a quick London update:
-Jensen is doing full-time art college in the day then ripping at night via generators and camera lights
-Olly Todd claimed to have new spots when I was in NY…but I think he really just missed me.
-Nugget….is MIA, what the hell man?
-Robbleyard is still wearing that *#!@ing beanie!
-Jake was wearing a lot of blue today…but he’s allowed to cuz he’s ill.
-Brady’s Lakai footy is going to cure cancer.
-That Henry hasn’t called riot police to kick us all out of SLAM yet is a testament to his sainthood.
-Charlie is still the mean older brother none of us ever wanted…but the coat hanger trick he pulled on Seth last night was quite good.
-Seth is still pretending to work for Zero….but I may have to put a call in to The Chief soon.
-Shier shaved!….and it’s creepin me the hell out.
-Sam Ashley and Tamsin have welcomed my fat ass into their apartment and treated me like a king.
-Soy is getting surgery on his head right now. Seriously!…let’s all wish him well.
-Chez is still having to film NTSC and I know it’s slowly killing him inside.
-Snowy gave up on the sickest trick today that he totally could’ve landed…I would’ve given him a hard time about it but I’m gonna go easy on him cuz he IS having to put up with Frankie stayin at his flat.
-Dom Marley can actually grow facial hair!….who knew?
-Magee got a banana milkshake at dinner…..are you serious?..banana?….EW!
-Callow…..the next Jimmy Page?…we’ll just have to wait and see.
-Lev is still the godfather of South Bank….here is the proof.
-Vaughn got a haircut.
-Joey Pressey got a haircut too, thank god….the whole pirate-chic thing was gettin to me.
-I got a haircut too….but they cut my bangs so short that I look like a lobotomy patient.
-Puleo’s in NY car-sitting for me….and it’s scaring the living bajesus outta me.
-Frankie…..is dead to me.

Woo-hoo!…we’ve finally made it!
Now skateboarding can be like the new baseball, or maybe even soccer.
There will be teams with uniforms and moms will drive you to “practice” on the weekends in their van…whoa-ho, but watch out for those groceries….aw, mom!

Full pads will become mandatory and since every community center and neighborhood playground will have a skatepark, there’ll be no need to keep turning a blind eye to skateboarding in downtown or urban centers anymore. A no tolerance policy will be implemented across the country, but you won’t care because now that you’re riding for McDonalds Skateboards your only worry in life will be beating out team Starbucks in the nationals so you can make it to the Olympics in 2012.
Yes, life is grand!…can you believe that private skateboard companies like Enjoi, Traffic and Girl actually used to exist? Those assholes never even issued team uniforms, or designer helmets with your very own team number on the side! And investors were never able to buy stock in companies and make them part of the corporate globosphere. Psh, yeah, skateboarding is WAY better now.
Now we don’t have to think up spots on our own or spend hours searching for different places to film. Streetskating doesn’t exist anymore, and for GOOD reason. Aside from the fact that President Gulliani issued that national ordinance, park skating is just so much EASIER! We don’t have to think anymore or bother with being creative. That’s for hippies and skaters that cling to the past.
Plus it’s such a family bonding experience…mom, grandpa and I watch the olympics together and cheer on our favorite pros. My mom wears her “What the Heckler, I’m rootin for Sheckler!” shirt almost every day during olympic season, and crap, I can’t blame her.
Whoops, did I just say a curse?…sorry about that.
Wow, evolution and progression sure worked in skateboarding’s favor.
Because skateboarding really IS all about contests and competition!
Where would we be without Element, World Cup, MTV and the IASC?
Hmph, probably still out STREET skating.
Thank god those days are O-V-E-R!

“I swear to baby!”

Static III is sitting in the one of those skeet-launching things right now and the Lakai video is hiding in the field with a shotgun ready to blow us right out of the sky.
“Pull”…..BANG!!
Should we just name it “STATIC III: Sitting Duck”?
Do I resurrect Nostradamus from beyond the grave to help me predict when this video is going to drop?
Nobody seems to have a clue!
If we come out with STATIC III and Lakai hits shelves just a week later I might as well just pull out a gun and shoot myself in the foot right now.
Any predictions or insider info?

So Bob and I attended another insane screening the other night in the dark cellar of a random Jazz bar in the lower east side of Manhattan.
The organizer has been choosing some amazing underground films to show and this most recent one took the cake. It’s not produced too terribly well, and the narrator leading us along the way looks like Marlon Brando’s exhumed corpse, but it got some incredible points across.
I don’t care if you’ve got the time or not, this one is a must watch. Especially the last 20 or so minutes.
Here’s the trailer to get you enticed.

And here’s the link to the full length film.

I’ve only read 50 pages of this nearly 500pg book and I’m already ready to buy the shirt and bumper sticker!
Published in 1982, Holy Blood Holy Grail unearths so many earth-shattering secrets of man-kind it’ll have you shittin’ yer britches with every page flipped.

I’m of the belief that if you step off your board during your contest run, you lose points. If your hand touches your board, more negative points.
If your entire run consists of all handrail tricks…..you should be nudged into the mouth of a dormant volcano and then judged on whether or not you can survive the fall and subsequent climb back out.

Off to London today….going on a gay-sweater shopping spree.
Keep ur eyes open for some weird Euro-posts soon.
And don’t forget to miss me, you ingrates!

OLLY: “Have you ever driven a car before Snowy?”
SNOWY: “Not legally….but I’ve driven a couple times”
OLLY: “It can’t be that big of a deal right?…what do ya do, just put the key in, start it up and then ya make it go…..right?”

To all the nay-sayers.
Proof…..I hate that I’m so right. This depresses me.
Thx for the link, Tia.